I’ve been gone for sometime…

If I have anyone left that checks my blog then you will know that I have been gone for sometime.

Yep.  A few months.

Let be as transparent as I have ever been with you that might read this, hopefully my family & friends from Elevation.

Last September, I could feel the “darkness of my soul” creeping out of me.  I don’t know how to describe it other than being very lonely.  That September was a busy travel month for me and I was only home for 11 days.  Everything I didn’t want to be, I could feel it bubbling in me in a way that scared me and made me realize something wasn’t right.

I stopped booking events for the rest of the year and finished off what I had on my calendar, bringing a travel companion with me to each event after that.

During Thanksgiving, my family and I took a much needed vacation to the mountains of Colorado.  There I was able to rip open my heart and bare it to my wife.  She is such a great woman and she was able to listen, talk to me, and we made commitments to each other as we walked forward in our marriage.

Let me say this – our marriage is awesome.  I mean awesome.  It has always been good, but we are connecting at levels I didn’t even know existed for two people to connect on.

December came and at the end of December depression hit me in the face hard.

BAM!

I have been open about this in the past, but every so often, maybe once every two to three months I would have one/two days that depression would get to me.  I would wait it out and nothing more… but this time.  One day, lead to two days, lead to a week, lead to two weeks.

All that “darkness of my soul” stuff was creeping in like a fog that wouldn’t lift.

I prayed, prayed, prayed…

I was unmotivated, wanted to just sleep all day, just wanted to quit everything.

Through counsel from a Godly man at Elevation, I headed to the doctor.  Where they drew blood, lots of it, and conducted all their tests.  My Doctor is also a Godly man and helped me work through everything.

Where we are now:

On medication now, feeling great!  Marriage is awesome!  Motivation is back.  Life with God feels amazing!

I don’t want to be the guy who fails, the guy who burns out, the guy who quits out of exhaustion… I want to finish strong, taking the time to heal, get healthy, and come back strong.